don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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