I seem to have left my pride at pride
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
