i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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