"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
