woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
