Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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