this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
