I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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