Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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