It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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