Im at strip club and am horny
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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