I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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