i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
