3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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