Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
