i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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