there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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