My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
