I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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