so explain again why im purple
no
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
