You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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