the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
