Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
