I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize