Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
