Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
