I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
