he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
