i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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