Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
im on a boat
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