At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
