I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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