He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
