the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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