i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
