you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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