Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
