can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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