totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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