forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They have beer where we have blood.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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