Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
