He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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