Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize