i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
