I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
