I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
