At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't deserve a penis
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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