Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
