if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
