I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
