she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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