I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
