she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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