Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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