I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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