You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize