well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
