He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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