at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
