He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
