oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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