on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
