my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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