absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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