You made me cry and you don't even care
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
