Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
