I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
