I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
