I think I won the penis lottery.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
