you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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