I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
