meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this boner is exhausting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
