Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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