If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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