actually, I'm a sock model
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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