I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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