i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
