I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
send nudes
from the living room?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
