yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
