Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
