you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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