Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
