Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
