I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
