No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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