Who wears a wallet chain?!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
