I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
