We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
