he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
