she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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