True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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