I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
third nipple confirmed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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