maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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