I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
