Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
