There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
